Diving Into Emotions: “I Wanted A Divorce, So Why Am I So Upset?”

Look, we’ve all heard the phrase that life is like a rollercoaster, right? But if anyone ever told you divorce would be like the wildest, most unpredictable rollercoaster at the theme park, they weren’t kidding. Trust me, I was there. I thought asking for a divorce would be like getting off the ride – a tad dizzy, but walking away. Oh boy, was I wrong.

Didn’t I Want This?

Here’s where things get tricky. When I took that deep breath and said, “I want a divorce,” I thought, “Cool, done and dusted. Let’s move on.” But the universe went, “Hold my beer.” What followed? A whirlwind of emotions. And not the nice, easy-breezy kind. It was more like a “hang on tight; this ride ain’t over yet” kind of storm.

Emotions Aren’t Like A To-Do List (Sadly)

You’d think, since I kicked off the divorce, I’d bounce back faster, right? Wrong! Emotions don’t check who started what. They’re like unpredictable storms , sometimes pouring down heavy and other times, just teasing with light drizzles. I found myself fuming some days, even though, hello? Wasn’t this my idea? But then, chatting with friends and family, I realized I wasn’t the odd one out. Loads of people feel the same.

Anger is Just the Tip of the Emotional Iceberg

When I dug deep, trying to play my own shrink, I realized anger was just what I was showing. Underneath? A whole bunch of stuff. Like grief and depression – because saying goodbye to the familiar, no matter how dysfunctional, is hard. Then there’s betrayal. Yes, even when the breakup is mutual, sometimes you just feel like you were short-changed.

Don’t even get me started on loneliness. Suddenly, it’s just you. Dealing with stuff. Alone. And oh, the fears! What’s next for me? How are the finances going to look? And if you’ve got kids, the parenting worries double up. That’s not even the end of it. There’s the heartbreak that comes with admitting, “This didn’t turn out like my fairy-tale dream.” But hey, thank goodness for online articles  and being able to connect with other people like me – they were like my personal roadmap through all these messy feelings.

Unpacking the Feelings Baggage

So, how do you deal? First off, get real with yourself. Own your feelings. They’re yours, after all. And then? Get some support. I can’t stress how much speaking to a divorce coach helped me. Think of them as your personal guide through the maze that is divorce.

Got kiddos? You’ll need to talk to them about what is happening.  They’re probably as dazed and confused as you. Maybe more. So, talk to friends and read up for some advice on post-divorce co-parenting. And look, while we’re talking practical stuff, don’t fly blind. Chat with a lawyer to know what’s what. Trust me, you want to be in the know.

Turning Anger into Your Power-up

Here’s the fun part: anger is like spinach for Popeye if you use it right. No, don’t go punching anyone! But use that fire to spur you on. Set boundaries, chase those dreams you put on hold, and maybe even start that hobby you’ve been humming and hawing about. Turn that anger into your motivational pep talk.

Rollercoasters Have Ups Too, You Know!

Through all the crazy loops and whirls of emotions, remember there are some fun parts on this rollercoaster. You’ll have your ups after the downs. Some days, you’ll be sad, then mad, then suddenly it’s a beautiful day, and you can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Now, here’s the other side of the emotional coin: guilt. Trust me, it’s sneaky. Suddenly you’re feeling guilty for breaking up, for not trying harder, or for shaking up your kids’ world. My suggestion? Talk it out. Whether with friends, a support group like the one moderated by Jill Kaufman or a parenting professional , don’t let guilt eat at you.

Reinventing YOU

Divorce is like hitting a reset button on your identity. Who are you, apart from the ‘us’? Now’s the time to find out. Remember those painting classes you wanted to join or that trip you kept postponing? Go for it! Set some cool goals too. Like running a 5K, reading 50 books a year, or just mastering the art of making the perfect pancake.

Who’s In Your Corner?

Friends will surprise you during this time. Some will be your rock, others might float away. That’s okay. Build your tribe. Find new friends, join groups, and surround yourself with positive peeps. And if someone’s being a Negative Nancy, set those boundaries. You’ve got enough on your plate!

Dollars and Sense

Financially, things might get wonky. But hey, knowledge is power. Consult a certified divorce financial analyst and planner, understand your rights, and keep yourself informed.

Embracing the New You

Every ending is a new beginning, right? It’s corny because it’s true. Embrace this wild, weird, wonderful new phase of life. Grow, learn, laugh, cry, and rediscover yourself.

To Wrap Up (Phew!)

Going through a divorce is like walking through a minefield while blindfolded. But with time, support, and a dash of self-love, you’ll get through. You’re not alone. Remember, every storm runs out of rain. And after the storm? There’s a rainbow. Here’s to finding yours!