Key Points
- Louisiana is a no-fault state for standard marriages: counseling is not required before divorce, and judges don't award credit for attempting it. What the law requires is 180 or 365 days of living separate and apart.
- Covenant marriages are the exception. Under La. R.S. 9:307, covenant spouses must obtain counseling before divorce, except in cases of abuse, and face longer separation periods.
- Reconciliation extinguishes a pending divorce action under Civil Code article 104, so a failed attempt to get back together restarts your separation clock.
- Communications with your therapist are generally privileged in civil cases under Code of Evidence article 510, but the privilege can be waived and has exceptions, including for child abuse.
- Counseling doesn't decide custody. The best-interest factors in Civil Code article 134 do, and cooperative co-parenting behavior, which counseling can build, is what courts actually reward.
- Other states differ: Illinois courts can order conciliation conferences, Missouri courts can order counseling but not condition the divorce on it, and many states require parenting education classes.
Two questions come up in my office all the time, sometimes from the same client in the same meeting.
The first: "We did two years of marriage counseling. Will the judge give me credit for trying?"
The second, usually asked more quietly: "Can the things I said in counseling be used against me?"
I've practiced family law in Louisiana for four decades, and the honest answers are "mostly no" and "mostly no." But the exceptions to both are where people get surprised, and a few of them can genuinely change your case. Let me walk you through what marriage counseling actually does, and doesn't do, in a Louisiana divorce.
The judge isn't grading your effort
Louisiana is a no-fault divorce state for standard marriages. You don't have to prove your spouse did anything wrong, and you don't have to prove you tried to save the marriage. What the law requires is time apart: under
Civil Code article 103.1, spouses must live separate and apart for 180 days if there are no minor children, or 365 days if there are.
Nothing in those articles asks whether you went to counseling. A couple who did five years of therapy and a couple who never tried a single session file the same paperwork and wait the same clock. So no, the judge won't award you points for effort, and your spouse can't block the divorce by arguing you didn't try hard enough.
That surprises people, because it feels like trying should count for something. Legally, in a standard Louisiana marriage, it doesn't. Emotionally and practically, it often counts for a great deal, and I'll come back to that.
The big exception: Louisiana covenant marriage
There's one group of Louisiana couples for whom counseling isn't optional, and that's covenant marriages. Louisiana was the first state to create this option back in 1997, and if you signed a covenant marriage declaration, the rules change completely. Under
La. R.S. 9:307, a spouse in a covenant marriage can obtain a divorce only after the parties obtain counseling, and only on specific grounds, such as adultery, a felony conviction, abandonment, abuse, or a longer period of living separate and apart, two years instead of 180 or 365 days.
The counseling requirement
does not apply where one spouse has physically or sexually abused the other spouse or a child. But otherwise, for covenant couples, marriage counseling is a legal prerequisite to divorce, not a personal choice.
Most Louisiana couples don't have covenant marriages. As the Loyola pro bono desk manual puts it,
couples have not embraced the concept with much enthusiasm, and lawyers should always ask clients whether they contracted one. But you'd be amazed how many people don't remember what they signed at the courthouse twenty years ago. Check your marriage license before you assume.
The reconciliation trap
Here's the exception that catches the most people, and it flows directly from counseling that half-works.
Say you separate in January and start the clock toward your divorce. In June, after a few promising counseling sessions, you move back in together and give it another try. By October, it's over for good.
Under
Civil Code article 104, the cause of action for divorce is extinguished by the reconciliation of the parties. In plain English,
the time you spent living apart before you reconciled no longer counts, and your waiting period starts over. Reconciliation generally requires actually resuming your life together, not just a weekend, and courts have held that
sexual activity alone usually isn't enough to prove it. But a genuine move back in resets the clock, and it wipes the slate on pre-reconciliation fault too.
I'm not telling you this to discourage anyone from attempting reconciliation. Some of my favorite outcomes in forty years of practice are the divorces that never happened. I'm telling you so that if you do try again, you understand the legal cost of trying: if it fails, you'll wait longer for your divorce. For most people that trade is worth it. Just make it with your eyes open.
Can your counseling sessions end up in court?
Now for the quieter question, the one people are almost afraid to ask.
Louisiana protects communications with your therapist. Under
Code of Evidence article 510, in a civil proceeding a patient can refuse to disclose, and can prevent others from disclosing, confidential communications made for advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Your counselor's notes don't automatically land on the judge's desk, and your spouse's lawyer can't simply subpoena your therapist to repeat what you said in a moment of raw honesty.
But the privilege has limits, and two matter most in family court. First, it's your privilege, which means you can waive it, and putting your own mental or emotional condition at issue in the case can open the door. Second, the article contains
exceptions, including for communications relevant to issues of child abuse, and a therapist's duty to report suspected child abuse operates regardless of how private the session felt. Joint sessions add another wrinkle, since your spouse was in the room and heard everything firsthand.
The practical takeaway: counseling is far more protected than most people fear, and less bulletproof than most people hope. If you're already in litigation and worried about a specific disclosure, that's a conversation for your lawyer, not a reason to stop getting help.
What about custody?
The old version of the internet wisdom says judges reward parents who went to counseling. The truth is narrower.
Louisiana custody decisions turn on the best interest of the child, and
Civil Code article 134 gives judges a list of factors to weigh, from each parent's emotional ties with the child to the stability of the home. Notably, courts
look favorably on each parent's willingness to support the child's relationship with the other parent.
Counseling doesn't appear on that list. What appears is the behavior counseling can produce. A parent who has learned to communicate without escalating, who co-parents cooperatively, and who keeps the children out of the conflict is demonstrating exactly what article 134 rewards. The certificate from the counselor's office isn't evidence of much. The conduct is everything.
How other states handle it
I'm licensed in Louisiana, so everything above is Louisiana law. Elsewhere the picture varies, and it's worth knowing that if you're comparing notes with a friend in another state.
Some states give judges real power to order counseling.
Illinois law allows the court to order a conciliation conference if it concludes there's a prospect of reconciliation, and Missouri lets family courts order or recommend counseling, though Missouri law also says no court can require counseling as a condition of granting the divorce. Far more common than court-ordered marriage therapy are
mandatory education classes for divorcing parents, which many states require and which focus on helping children through the divorce rather than saving the marriage. If your divorce is happening outside Louisiana, ask a lawyer licensed there what applies.
Where counseling actually earns its keep
After all these caveats, you might expect me to be lukewarm on marriage counseling. I'm not. I've just learned that its legal value shows up in a different place than people expect.
The couples who've done real work in counseling, even counseling that ended in divorce, tend to settle. They've already practiced the hardest skill a divorce requires: sitting in a room with someone you're hurt by and solving a problem anyway. Those couples mediate successfully, write workable custody schedules, and spend a fraction of what litigating couples spend. The ones who've never had a structured conversation about their conflict often end up having their first one in a courthouse hallway, which is the most expensive conference room in Louisiana.
So will counseling help your divorce case? Not the way the internet says. There's no gold star from the judge. But it can shorten your fight, protect your kids, and cut your legal bill, and after forty years of watching divorces, I'll take that over a gold star every time.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is marriage counseling required before divorce in Louisiana?
Not for a standard marriage. Louisiana's no-fault system requires living separate and apart for 180 days (no minor children) or 365 days (with minor children), and nothing more about reconciliation efforts. The exception is a covenant marriage, where La. R.S. 9:307 requires counseling before a divorce can be granted, except in cases of abuse.
Can a Louisiana judge order me and my spouse into marriage counseling?
For a standard marriage, a judge can't condition your divorce on attending counseling. Some other states work differently: Illinois courts can order a conciliation conference if reconciliation looks possible, and Missouri courts can order counseling, though not as a prerequisite to granting the divorce. Courts here can order other things, such as evaluations or parenting programs in custody disputes, which is a different tool with a different purpose.
Can my spouse's lawyer subpoena my therapist or my counseling records?
Not easily. In civil cases, Code of Evidence article 510 lets you refuse to disclose, and prevent others from disclosing, confidential communications made for treatment. The protection isn't absolute, though. You can waive it, putting your own mental condition at issue can open the door, and exceptions exist for matters like child abuse. If a specific record worries you, raise it with your lawyer before it becomes an issue.
What about things I said in joint sessions with my spouse in the room?
That's the weak spot. The privilege restricts what the counselor can be made to disclose, but your spouse heard you directly and can testify to their own memory of what you said. Assume anything said in a joint session is something the other side already knows.
We reconciled after counseling and then split again. Does our waiting period start over?
If the reconciliation was genuine, meaning you resumed living together as a married couple, yes. Article 104 extinguishes the pending divorce action, the time you'd already spent apart stops counting, and the clock restarts from your new separation. Brief contact or sexual activity alone generally isn't enough to constitute reconciliation, but moving back in is.
How do I know if I have a covenant marriage?
You would have signed a separate declaration of intent when you applied for your marriage license, and your license should reflect it. Covenant marriages are rare in Louisiana, but if there's any doubt, pull your marriage license before you file, because the counseling requirement, the limited grounds, and the longer separation period all turn on it.
Will going to counseling help me get custody?
Not by itself. Custody turns on the best-interest factors in Civil Code article 134, and "attended counseling" isn't one of them. What helps is the conduct those factors measure: communicating without escalating, supporting your child's relationship with the other parent, and keeping the kids out of the conflict. If counseling gets you there, it helps you enormously. The attendance certificate alone does not.
This article is general information about Louisiana law, not legal advice, and reading it does not create an attorney-client relationship. Laws change, exceptions apply, and other states' rules differ. Before making decisions about counseling, reconciliation, or your divorce, talk to a licensed attorney in your state about your specific situation.
Related Reading
If you're still deciding whether your marriage can be repaired, psychologist Alicia Pellegrin explains one of the most common and fixable problems in
Emotional Neglect in Marriage: The Loneliest Way to Not Be Alone. For couples whose struggles center on physical disconnection, lawyer and divorce coach Monique Drake covers what research says can be rebuilt in
No Intimacy in Marriage: What the Research Says, What to Try, and When It's Time to Decide. And if divorce is moving forward and you want the settle-don't-litigate path described above, attorney and mediator Macy Ledet walks through it in
Divorce Mediation: What a Louisiana Attorney Wants You to Know Before You Sit Down.
