How to Co-Parent with a High Conflict Individual

By DivorcePlus Staff Editor • October 11, 2023

Co-parenting is challenging, especially when dealing with a high conflict person. If you’ve ever asked yourself, “How do I navigate this minefield?”, you’re not alone. In this guide, we’ll dive deep into understanding high conflict co-parenting and provide actionable strategies to manage it effectively.

What is a High Conflict Co-Parent?

A high conflict co-parent is an individual who consistently engages in aggressive, uncooperative, and manipulative behaviors during co-parenting, making effective communication and collaboration difficult.

Signs of a High Conflict Co-Parent:

  1. Frequent arguments over minor issues.
  2. Unwillingness to compromise.
  3. Using the child as a weapon or pawn.
  4. Spreading false information about the other parent.
  5. Resisting or undermining agreed-upon parenting schedules.
Having a challenging co-parent can be emotionally draining. But with the right tools and mindset, such as those available at the Divorce Plus Community , you can navigate through these stormy waters.

Dealing with a Difficult Co-Parent:

  1. Stay Calm and Neutral:

    Engaging in a confrontation often escalates the situation. Instead, maintain a calm demeanor and avoid being defensive.

  2. Communication is Key:

    Opt for written communication (e.g., email) which provides a record of conversations.

  3. Seek Mediation:

    If disagreements persist, consider professional mediation services to find a middle ground.

  4. Take Care of Yourself:

    Your mental and physical health are crucial. Delve into activities that keep you fit and active, like those offered at Divorce Plus Fitness and Nutrition.

What is a Manipulative Co-Parent?

A manipulative co-parent uses deception, guilt, or pressure to influence the other parent’s decisions, often at the child’s expense. They may use the child to relay messages or create scenarios to gain sympathy.
Hands tearing a drawing of a family in half; a father, a child, and a mother with a sun in the background.

3 Types of Co-Parenting:

  1. Parallel Co-Parenting:

    Both parents operate separately with minimal interaction.

  2. Collaborative Co-Parenting:

    Parents work together, keeping their personal issues separate from their co-parenting relationship.

  3. Conflictual Co-Parenting:

    Characterized by high tension and disagreement.

Can You Co-Parent with a Narcissist?

Yes, but it requires unique strategies. Narcissists often lack empathy and can be manipulative. Here, divorce life coaching might be beneficial in understanding and managing such dynamics.

Examples of Co-Parenting Conflict:

  1. Holiday Scheduling:

    Disagreements over who gets the child during major holidays.

  2. Parenting Styles:

    Discrepancies in disciplining, feeding, or schooling preferences.

What Makes Good Co-Parenting?

Successful co-parenting revolves around effective communication, flexibility, consistency, and keeping the child’s best interests at the forefront. To ensure you’re equipped, check out Divorce 101 for essential tips.

Inappropriate Co-Parenting While in a Relationship:

Inappropriate co-parenting can be:
  • Talking negatively about the other parent in front of the child.
  • Introducing new partners to the child prematurely or without discussing it with the other parent.

Should Co-Parents Talk Every Day?

Not necessarily. While communication is crucial, daily conversations may not be needed unless it directly relates to the child’s well-being. It’s about quality over quantity.

Examples of Co-Parenting Conflict:

  1. Medical Decisions:

    Disagreements over treatments or medications.

  2. Extracurricular Activities:

    Clashes on enrolling the child in certain sports or arts programs.

Example of Parental Conflict:

An example might be both parents wanting the child to attend different schools, causing friction and disagreement.

Setting Boundaries with a High Conflict Co-Parent:

  1. Establish Clear Communication Protocols:

    Specify preferred methods and times.

  2. Avoid Emotional Traps:

    Steer clear of topics that ignite conflict.

  3. Seek Legal Counsel:

    If necessary, consult a professional via lawyer consultation to set enforceable boundaries.

What Does Successful Co-Parenting Look Like?

It involves:
  1. Both parents being involved in the child’s life.
  2. Open communication.
  3. Mutual respect.
  4. Adherence to agreed-upon schedules and rules, which can be enhanced through parenting services.
While co-parenting with a high conflict individual is challenging, it’s not impossible. With resources, understanding, and patience, you can create a nurturing environment for your child. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. The right support and knowledge can make a world of difference.

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