Moving Past Heart Break

After a breakup, life can hurt.  It feels like you’re wearing your nerves on the outside of your body.  Things that were once vibrant, now appear dulled.  Those things that were once overlooked are now glaringly bright.  Healing from this experience is not just about putting time and distance between yourself and your ex; it is about actively working towards your personal and emotional growth.  Importantly, it is also about grieving.  Grieving the loss of a partner, a friend, a past, and a future. 

Although recovery is personal, there are certain steps you can take to make the process easier and pave way for a happier future.

Understanding the End and Accepting Healing

Understanding that your relationship has truly ended is crucial. We’ve all been through the mental process that comes from a breakup.  “Maybe it isn’t over” “I should talk to them again” “I’ll wait to tell my friends once I know it’s really over”.  On their surface, these thoughts are understandable and comforting, but at their core, they represent your emotional processing of the end of your relationship.  These emotions of sorrow, anger, and even sometimes relief converge in a way that allow you to begin to process your feelings.

Healing Steps Towards New Beginnings

Being patient and open to new options while recovering are necessary. Here are four effective ways of starting to mend your broken heart and move on:

1. Create Emotional Distance:

Emotional space for healing is necessary. This involves setting boundaries with your ex-partner, which may include limited or no contact at all. Emotional distance aids in clear understanding of what happened as well as personal development.  

You may ask yourself “What if I want to remain friends?”  Friendship after a breakup is a personal decision but one that should be made after a time of emotional distance has passed.  Do you want to be friends because you don’t want to lose the intimacy that came from the relationship?  Or are you scared of what it looks like to be alone?  Either of these questions represent valid emotional responses but also show that you haven’t accepted the end of the relationship. 

2. Remove Reminders of Them:

Physical things, pictures, some areas—these can all serve as harsh reminders of past events or relationships.  This includes taking time to adjust your social media consumption – whether that means soft-blocking your ex on Instagram, removing them as a friend on Facebook, muting their stories and posts, or blocking them all together.  You can’t create emotional distance if you continue to see their day to day lives from your device.  Your personal space should be yours.  It should feel safe and comfortable.  Don’t allow your ex to interrupt your healing. 

3. Find New Hobbies or Activities:

Engaging in other hobbies is not just meant for distraction; it helps rebuild yourself after losing him/her by creating fresh experiences too. Painting, hiking or cooking among others would bring about happiness because they give room for new experiences.  This coincides with removing reminders.  Did your ex introduce you to a new restaurant that you love or neighborhood hangout?  Before delving into the feeling that you’ll lose out if you can’t go there, ask yourself if you are really hoping that you’ll see them there.

The trick is, it doesn’t matter how you answer that question, because now is the time to discover new places!  Look to your friends for new adventures and encounters.  Be a tourist in your city and try those restaurants or festivals that you never made it to.  Don’t limit your growth to places you already know.  Explore, experience, and find yourself!

4. Accept That You Were Not Meant For Each Other:

One of the most difficult yet liberating stages is recognizing that this relationship was never destined for eternity.

Unless this is your first breakup, you’ve surely heard one or all of these during your lifetime:

“The timing just wasn’t right.”

“If it’s meant to be, he’ll come back.”

“It’s not you, it’s me.”

“You were too good for him anyway.”

The beautiful thing in accepting that you were not meant for each other is the realization that all those sayings apply.  Once you stop trying to analyze every interaction to figure out how to travel through time and repair imagined damage, you can accept that it didn’t work out for no other reason than it wasn’t the right fit. This does not undermine the love nor shared moments but only accepts that you can find a better fit and be happier somewhere else.  This change in perspective is important because it enables you to let go without being resentful.

This is Not the End

Recovering from breakup involves self-discovery of emotions. Be kind to yourself because there will be times when you will fall behind. Engaging in activities that promote your well-being, seeking support from friends, family or professionals like a life coach can provide additional guidance and support. Some companies even give out free life coach consultations so you can see if that would work for you without obligations.

A new beginning is seen in every move one makes on this journey – ranging from establishing emotional gaps to nurturing newfound interests. Do not forget that having a healthy body takes one through personal change and makes it possible for people to adapt selves to the needs and values of others who come after you. The end of a relationship means more than just missing someone; it is about finding yourself, loving yourself, then again finding love that aligns more closely with the amazing person you are becoming.