Can I Date Before my Divorce is Final?

Your Children

If you have children with your ex, another thing to consider is how a new partner could impact your relationship with your children. Your children likely love both parents and may be disappointed that the relationship has ended. They will have their own opinions about the divorce depending on their age and knowledge of the details of the divorce. With this in mind, it might be best to pause your search for a new partner to ensure you are fully dedicated to taking care of your family.

A parenting coordinator can assist you in navigating the emotional impacts of a new relationship on your children. They can help you determine what is appropriate and inappropriate to share with children and how to communicate with them properly. They can also help you understand the mental health needs of your children to minimize the impact on their lives.

Depending on the dynamics of your divorce, a new relationship could be used to  question your ability to care for your children. Could your ex accuse you of spending too much time on your new relationship or not having the capacity to care properly for your children? Divorces can get messy quickly and this may add fuel to the fire, especially if your ex is not dating. They could have concerns around who your new partner is and if they should be around your children in the first place.

Working with your attorney will help you understand how a new relationship could affect your divorce proceedings. Consult professionals before you make the step towards a life with someone new.

Your New Partner

You could know someone for years and still be surprised by new information you learn about them. When you begin dating, it is likely you will connect with new people that you’ve never met before. How well do you know the person you plan to date? If the answer is “not very well”, you should tread lightly. Does this person have any skeletons in their closet? Do they have a criminal record? Do they have addiction issues? These are all valid questions to consider before a first date. If your ex becomes aware of a new relationship, it is possible that your new partner could be subpoenaed as part of your divorce proceedings. This is obviously not the best way to start off any relationship and can further damage the case your attorney is building. This could bring to light many details that you would rather keep private. A divorce is already complicated enough and a new partner in the mix could set you up for additional challenges.  

Your Ex

Novelist and screenwriter Richard Dooling said it best when he said, “Criminal court is where bad people are on their best behavior. It’s much more dangerous for lawyers and judges in family court, where good people are at their worst.” Simply put, divorce can bring out the worst side of even the best people. If you have a jealous ex, dating during the divorce can create additional tension. You may already have a contentious divorce and the addition of a new partner can exacerbate those negative feelings. Think about what you know about your ex-partner and how they would react to finding out you’re dating someone new. If you believe that person might use this information against you, it might be best to stay away from romantic relationships until the divorce is finalized and your custody agreement is settled. While you by no means need to acquiesce to appease for your ex, it is important to consider how you can make the situation as easy as possible in the short term. Once the divorce is finalized, there are less opportunities for your ex to sour your future.

Your Mental State

Just because you CAN do something doesn’t mean you SHOULD. That is important to remember when sparking up a new relationship. Take a mental inventory and ask yourself if you are even ready to start dating. With so many unknowns and stressors, adding a new relationship might not be the best course of action. A life coach can be key in helping you navigate your needs. They can give you tools that allow you to manage any negative emotions and mentally prepare for your divorce.

Divorce can trigger negative emotions and feelings. With so many life changes, adding a new relationship can further complicate the situation. You may already be feeling rejected and additional stress from relationships that do not pan out can compound those feelings. Remember that it is okay to be single. There are many people living very fulfilled lives full of love and happiness without a partner. Do not fall into the replacement grief trap where you seek to cover up grieving by replacing the thing you lost with something new. Divorce can cause people to act irrationally and that is not a sound foundation on which you want to build your future.

Your Choice

While every divorce is unique, dating during a divorce can cause additional complications. Each person’s divorce is unique and that is why building your team of advisors is so important. Your attorney, family therapist, and personal therapist can all assist you in understanding more about relationships and how to navigate the road ahead. Before you seek companionship prior to your divorce being finalized, consider all parties and how they may be impacted by your new found relationship. There is no rush, you have a new beginning waiting on the horizon.