Coping With an Unwanted Divorce

Understanding and processing the emotions of divorce is challenging, and it can be even more overwhelming if the separation wasn’t your choice. As the dust settles, you might feel like you’re buried with questions and emotions.  If you find yourself in this place, you should know you’re not alone. Let’s discuss some of the most frequently asked questions and find ways to start healing.

How long does it take to get over a divorce you didn’t want?

Dr. Kristin Davin estimates divorce recovery between six and eighteen months – with some variation. Some  experts  say it’s closer to two years.  But there’s no concrete timeline for healing from a divorce.  Not all divorces are the same.  Some seem to have a natural progression while others appear out of the blue and may blindside you.  On top of that, everyone processes loss differently, and factors like the length of the marriage, the circumstances surrounding the divorce, and personal coping mechanisms play significant roles. Some individuals may find relief within months, while others might grapple with the aftermath for years.  The duration can vary greatly depending on how well you are equipped to process the emotions and grief that come with the end of the relationship.

Does divorce pain ever go away?

Yes, the intense pain of divorce does fade over time. Like any significant life change, the emotional wounds eventually heal, although scars might remain. Over time, as you process your emotions and find new rhythms in life, the sharp sting of divorce gradually softens.

Processing the emotions and grief related to a divorce is a personal process, but there are some common steps that can help. Let’s start by identifying what you’re feeling. Are you sad, angry, or something else? Knowing your feelings helps you understand them better. Then, it’s important to accept these feelings. It’s okay to feel this way; you don’t have to fight it or feel bad about it.  Joining supportive communities like the DivorcePlus Community can be invaluable during this time.

How do I move on after divorce if I still love them?

I won’t sugar coat it, moving on after a divorce isn’t easy. Let’s get this out of the way now, it’s okay to feel sad, mad, or even lost. This is a big change in your life, and it’s normal to feel upset about it. Don’t be hard on yourself for feeling this way. It helps a lot to talk to people who care about you, like friends and family. They can make you feel supported and understood.

Look to groups or forums where others are going through the same thing or visit with a coach or counselor to find out if extra help is something you want to explore. This can help you feel less alone and give you some good advice. Taking care of yourself is important too – do things that make you feel good, like exercising, picking up a hobby, or just relaxing. Setting up a regular routine can also help you feel more in control and give your days some structure.

Now is the time to figure out who you are on your own. You can try new things, get back into stuff you used to like, and set personal goals.  Your personal goals should reflect your journey to recovery.  For those that have felt isolated or withdrawn, center your goals around calling, texting, or seeing your family and friends more often.  A tried-and-true reconnection technique is the Sunday Supper.  Calendar is a Sunday evening supper with closest friends a couple of times per month.  This will give you (and your friends) a few hours to cook, laugh, talk about your lives, and decompress. 

Make sure to sort out any legal or money issues.  This seems self-explanatory but during high stress events, you may be inclined to ignore stressors.  Take time to talk to professionals if you are unsure of your rights or how you should use your money.  Knowledge brings peace.  It’s not just about getting over the past, but also about looking forward to new things in your life.

Conclusion

Dealing with a divorce you didn’t want can be really tough, with lots of good and bad days. But if you have the right help, people who support you, and you focus on making yourself better, it gets easier to get through it. When you’re feeling unsure or down, you can look for help and comfort from places like DivorcePlus. Remember, you’re strong and you can get through this.  Be patient with yourself and take things one step at a time.